How Do Women Orgasm?

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("Won't Let you Go, Eternity")

("Won't Let you Go, Eternity")

- What do I know about the female orgasm?

- The female orgasm is something that's powerful and strong

and all over your body.

- Female orgasm is wonderfully mysterious.

And when I do make a girl orgasm,

I feel like I did my job.

- The female orgasm can by a mysterious thing.

Even if you've had orgasms

and know a lot about your own body,

you probably still have questions.

Well, my name is Hillary

and I'm here to ask those questions.

("Won't Let you Go, Eternity")

We're here with Vanessa,

a sex therapist who is video chatting with us

from San Francisco.

Lets start at the beginning.

What is a female orgasm?

- Female orgasm is basically just experiencing

the apex of sexual pleasure.

So there's some sort of threshold that gets crossed

where sexual interaction become

not just feeling good, but all of a sudden

it feels like an explosion.

- I'm here with Sex Nerd Sandra,

and she is going to help us

figure out everything we need to know

about female orgasm.

- Everything.

- There are a few types of female orgasm

that we can talk about. - Yes.

- Can you tell me about them?

- OK, well there's the classic clitoral orgasm

we think of as the external vulva area orgasm.

Oh my God.

There is the internal vaginal orgasm.

Some people think of it as a G-spot orgasm.

But even internally you can separate them

into different types of orgasm.

- Look, the science is confusing.

It's not really clear,

but it doesn't really matter

about having a G-spot orgasm versus a clitoral orgasm.

What you wanna pay attention to

is what actually feels good in your body.

- I wanna make it clear that no orgasm

is better or worse than any other orgasm.

And it's wrong to assume that the proper orgasm

is when you're having intercourse.

Intercourse is not necessarily how most

female body people have orgasms.

- Only 30% of women can orgasm from penetration alone.

For the other approximately 70% of women,

it's just physiologically not possible.

- Here's a big one that I've been getting a lot

of questions about. - OK.

- When a man comes, it's very clear,

it's very obvious.

We know what ejaculation looks like from a man.

- Yes.

- What does it mean for a woman to come?

- What does it mean?

Well if you look at porn, it's a lot of yelling.

- I don't think you have to ejaculate anything

in order to come.

- So for you, are coming and orgasming

sort of a synonymous thing?

- Yeah, they're the same thing, right?

- I think it can mean different things

for different women.

Some women use it in the context

of just that they're orgasming.

Some women actually do squirt when they orgasm,

so there is a propulsion of fluid

just like there is with men.

- And we have a lot of questions about that.

- Yes, people tend to have

a lot of questions about squirting.

- So literally every single person I spoke to

about this video was like, "Let's figure out

"what's going on with squirting."

- Alright.

("Won't Let you Go, Eternity")

- What is it?

- Squirting is the propulsion of fluid

outside of a woman's body while she's orgasming.

Usually it happens at the same time as she's orgasming,

but some women can do it separate from the actual orgasm.

- OK, so there's a lot of science recently

talking about how when you have a lot of gushing

with female ejaculation,

it's actually coming from the bladder, and it's urine.

I don't care.

- Generally what does lead to squirting

is stimulation of the G-spot.

- So the G-spot is located

inside the vagina, toward the belly button,

two or three inches.

Although for some people,

they can feel it near the opening,

and sometimes even toward the very back of the vagina.

- It feels pretty dense and spongy,

and definitely harder to the touch

than other areas of your vaginal canal.

- If you spend some time there,

there's a chance you could squirt,

is what you're saying.

- You could.

So the G-spot usually responds

to pretty intense stimulation.

So even if you're really sensitive

in other areas of your genitals,

you really wanna push down on your G-spot.

- If you want, do the come hither motion and pull forward,

see if it feels good.

If it feels good, follow that pleasure.

Keep on doing that rhythmically, pull forward,

pull forward, really massage that spot.

- You might feel initially the sensation

that you have to urinate.

A lot of women report that

so they'll get scared and they'll stop doing it

'cause they think they're gonna pee all over themselves.

- And maybe they are.

- Maybe they are, we're not quite sure.

It's OK if you are.

So you wanna just keep going from there.

You're not gonna just uncontrollably

start urinating everywhere.

It is a normal sensation that goes along with the G-spot.

- A lot of people with vaginas

have trouble orgasming because

they back away from the crescendo.

It's going forward, and they're like,

"No, I gotta reign it in."

'Cause they think either,

I mean when I was younger I thought I would pee.

I was like, "What's gonna happen?"

I think just you gotta just go full force.

- And just go for it.

- Go towards the-- - Go for the O.

- Go towards the pee. (laughs)

- There's really no right or wrong.

And to me, keep that stimulation, move through it.

If you get really sensitive,

chill out for a second, and then go right back into it.

- As in most things that you and I have spoken about,

there aren't a ton of rules.

- The absolute best way to learn how to orgasm

is to start a regular masturbation practice.

- What's a regular masturbation process?

How frequently we talking?

- Usually when I'm coaching women,

I suggest that they try to make time for it

at least twice a week.

If you have the time and the interest

in doing it more, that's great.

- I would say that you don't have to masturbate,

but doing so can really help you

get to know your body,

which can also help you communicate

to someone else how to touch you.

- 'Cause if you don't know your body,

you can't help anyone else get to know your body.

- No, and you are a snowflake.

- Most women are pretty surprised to learn

that on average a woman's orgasm takes 20 minutes

to get there.

Of course that's an average,

so there are women who take much shorter amounts of time

and much longer amounts of time.

But that's pretty standard.

And to give you a comparison,

the average man will orgasm in under three minutes.

So there's a pretty big discrepancy there.

- The first orgasm I ever had

it took three hours.

("Won't Let you Go, Eternity")

- All of our bodies are different.

We're capable of different things.

Really all that it comes down to

is just finding the type of stimulation

that works for you.

So instead of feeling guilty or deficient

or like there's something wrong with you,

direct all of that attention

to figuring out what you actually like,

what does feel good in your body.

- Really expand how you can experience pleasure

in your own body, and you will be the boss of orgasms.

- Well I hope that after today

everybody can be the boss of their own orgasms.

And is there some sort of richter scale of orgasms?

Is there a rating system for intensity of orgasms

that we don't know about?

- I have never heard of that.

I want that to be a thing now.

- Let's make it a thing.

- Hillary, you just changed the world.

("Won't Let you Go, Eternity")

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